sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
