Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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