My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
