saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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