she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
