I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
