I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
