Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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