Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
