So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
