Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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