You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
