worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i love accidental penises.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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