You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
