just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
