upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
