I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
