Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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