garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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