so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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