if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
