He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
