tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
