she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
