At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
