Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
