Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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