i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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