He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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