i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
