I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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