I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
