I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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