Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
