went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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