People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
