Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
