Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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