I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
