Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
