Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
