Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
