3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
