she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
