I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
