It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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