i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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