The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
