I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
