my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
