You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
