you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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