I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
