they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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