It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
