No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize