What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
