oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
