I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
