What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
