the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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