i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
