It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
