Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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