i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize