If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
