Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
