i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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