OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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