I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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