we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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