To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
