Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A bitchslap is in order.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
