Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
