Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
