And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
