By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
