I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
