worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize