If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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