ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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