What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
